E on The Q Where Canada Hates Chris Brown

What one thing can Chris Brown not do...go to Canada! Chris was denied entry to the country because of his long criminal record...which means he couldn't perform at his booked concerts this week...plus I am sure he missed out on some fabulous poutine.  He tweeted out that he was trying to get down to the bottom of the immigration situation...but we know the real reason...Drake had him banned...just kidding...but that would be hilarious

E on The Q When People Hated The Oscars

Kris Jenner is officially an empty nester...because little Kylie has spread her wings and at the age of 17 has purchased a $2.7 Million mansion in Calabasas.  Let that sink in that before she can even vote she now owns a 5 bedroom house with a home theater and even with all of those amenities...I am sure the best part is that she no longer has to live with her cray momager.

Bachelor Blog When It is All About The Fa-Nasty Suite

Gross...just gross.  I want to get that out of the way.  Something about an episode where all three women "Spend" the night with a man within a three day period makes me feel gross and like a shot of penicillin may be needed...that being said...Hello Bachelor Nation!

So this week's episode was in Bali which was hilarious for two reasons.  None of the girls could tame their hair in the humidity and Chris had pit stains down to his waist the entire episode.

(Image courtesy of Twitter.com @BachelorABC)

Kaitlyn's date was pretty boring with Chris with the exception that monkey peed on him...but come on...he made out with Kelsey...so definitely not the nastiest thing on him this season.  They acted all lovey dovey and it ends with her invitation into the fantasy suite and in a creepy line from some cheesy after school special Chris told Kaitlyn..."We deserve this"...excuse me while I go throw up...and then of course they got freaky deaky.

(Image Courtesy of Twitter.com @BachelorABC)

So basically three hours after sucking face with Kaitlyn, Chris went to go meet up with Whitney.  I do not know if it was the heat but her voice seemed to be about 3 octaves higher than normal and of course she was suited up in her perky pants and spray tan.  They spent their date on a boat...and then it was hijacked by pirates...

(Image Courtesy of Columbia Pictures from Captain Phillips)

Just Kidding...that's Captain Phillips...but it did get weird on the boat.  Whitney kept apologizing for her sister being doubtful on the hometown dates the week before and Chris kept giving her this serious look...which come on...there is no reason she should have apologized for her Sister being practical.

(Image Courtest of Twitter.com @BachelorABC) 

They of course get ooshy gooshy and Whitney explains that she is willing to abandon all her personal professional goals to be with him...which might seem all sorts of dreamy now but six months from now when she only has cows to talk to...she might need to do some rethinking.  Then it gets weird because Chris totes takes her back to the fantasy suite where he literally just got it on with Kaitlyn like 18 hours ago.  Whitney talks about how romantic it is and I can only just hope that the sheets were changed.

(Image courtesy of Twitter.com @BachelorABC)

Then comes Becca...the most frustrating of all the final three.  I give her mad respect for keeping her V Card and wanting to save herself for marriage.  I think it is admirable and the worst thing that could happen would be for her to throw it away on tv to some man dating three other girls...but boy does she start to bend on her morals

(Image courtesy of Twitter.com @BachelorABC)

When they get to dinner Chris looks like he wants to eat Becca up and when she got her fantasy suite card...he legit winked at her.  Gross.  

(Image courtesy of Twitter.com @BachelorABC)

...and then she told Chris...and he looked like Christmas had been cancelled.  It was one less field he got to plow...

Chris then cried and said that he was in love with all the girls...that or he was just sweating again. I give it a few months and he will be on his own version of Sister Wives. Sorry for whoever won...it has got to be a punch in the gut to see just how wishy washy he is about his feelings.  

(Image courtesy of Twitter.com @BachelorABC)

Then came the rose ceremony...and Chris and the girls started  freaking and he pulled Becca out to talk to her one on one.  The other girls thought he must be sending her home but he just wants to get to the bottom of her feelings.  In whispery batman tones they talked about their love.  

..and then they marched back in and ruined Kaitlyn's parade.  Kaitlyn was so excited he was sending Becca home and then he went and cut her.  You could see the devastation and humiliation that she had Na-Na with a man and then next time he saw her...he broke up with her on national television...and then had the gall to say "I will always care about you" and basically threw in a "its not you, its me...".  

(Image courtesy of Twitter.com @KaitlynBristowe)

You will be missed Kaitlyn.  You are quite possibly the prettiest cryer in the world and here is to hoping that you are the next Bachelorette! 

E on The Q Channing Tatum Take Off Your Pants!

E on the Q Oscars editions...bum bum bumb bum bahhhhhh!!!!

E on the Q and Lindsay Shows Her Lohans

Hollywood deserves a punch in the face...because no one wants to work with Kelly Clarkson.  She told the BBC that the only collaboration on her new album is with John Legend...and that's just because no one else wanted to work with her.  She stayed classy and would not name names but said that she got turned down numerous times.  Now I am tone deaf...but girl...call me for your next album...I am totally there for you.

E on The Q and John Mayer is NOT The Father!

E on The Q and Bieber Gets It!

E on The Q When Kanye Can't Read

Lady Gaga is engaged!  A huge congratulations is in order for Gaga and her fiance Taylor Kinney.  She shared the news with her little monsters yesterday saying that he popped the question on Valentine's Day...which is surprisingly traditional for Gaga but her ring is totally gorgeous.  It is shaped like a heart but obviously worth more than money I will ever see in my life.  

Bachelor Blog The One Where Jade is Naked

Last night the Bachelor was all sorts of dramatic.

First things first, Britt and her 80's Barbie Lipstick finally went home.  She snapped on Chris and basically said that she only wants to be viewed first...and not last.  I am pretty sure Ricky Bobby also said something similar to that.  So she got the boot and sat outside ugly girl crying and snotting all over her face.  It was super dramatic and my money is betting that they make her the next Bachelorette.

(Photo courtesy of twitter.com A BachelorABC)

Carly...oh sweet Carly was the next to go home...because she ratted out Britt's fakeness to Chris and if there is anything we have learned from the Sexy Farmer this season...if you are honest...you gon go home!  Carly...we will miss your quirky faces and I hope to see you on a cruise ship singing your little heart out one day soon.

(Image courtesy of Twitter.com @CarlyWaddell)

Now it is was time for the hometown date.  It started with Becca who immediately proved that there are two types of people in the world...those that run and jump into a man's arms and wrap their legs around them...and the rest of us chunkies that ain't gonna do that. But Oh Em Gee...her family threw her under a MATA.  Her family pulled him aside and basically said...We have never actually seen Becca with a Man, so know that she will never be physical or give you PDA...they also almost dropped the bomb that she is holding her V Card...but left it for the next episode when the fantasy suite comes around.  Long story short...sweet date that ended with them making out on a Ferris Wheel...hello scripted...real people don't do that!

(Photo courtesy of Twitter.com @Taryn_Pollock)

Next Chris joined Whitney in Chicago...where she showed him how to make a baby.  Since her family situation is kinda awkward she decided to take him to work instead and showed him what a fertility nurse does...and even went so far as to ask him for a "sample".  Chris turned into a joke...but we all saw that crazy glint...if she wasn't the winner she had plans to get pregnant other ways...Whitney ended up taking him to meet her sister and when Chris asked if he could propose to her she basically said come and talk to me when you stop being a hoochie with all these women...and basically all of Bachelor Nation Cheered.

(Photo courtesy of Liz Luedeman's TV) 

Kaitlyn was up next and had Chris meet her in Arizona and had everyone wondering...are all these girl's from rich families?  How come you never see a hometown show where they go to a trailer park or a modest home?  Because we got to meet her family and their luxurious vacation home.  Everything seemed to go well...Chris tried to rap and embarrassed himself, which was totally awesome and it ended with the two making out under a billboard that said Kaitlyn <3 Chris...which is totally not proper grammar...but whatever

(Photo courtesy of Twitter.com @Kaitlynbristowe)

And then what we were all waiting for...Chris went home to meet Jade's family and found out that she posed nude for Playboy.  Whoa Nelly Chris seemed creepily excited when he found out and even watched her video and googled her pictures with her.  This part of the episode was redunkulous and you could tell he was totally going to send her home.  I like a dummie Googled her...without my safe search on...and y'all...unless you want to see more nooks and crannies than on an english muffin...just don't do it! 

(Photo courtesy of Twitter.com @USMagazine)

So after meeting their families who did he decide not to take to the fantasy suite next week...Jade!  Because come on...it comes back to that honestly thing.  She was real with him and told him something he needed to know and just like Carly and Ashley I...he sent her packing.  What a stand up dude...not.  He at the very least pretended to cry and question if his decision was right...but his acting was just about as good as Kelsey's earlier this season.  Weak Dude!

(Photo courtesy of Twitter.com @BachelorABC)